Pain without Love
by Boyi Dia
Summary: Russame! For a friend's friend! America's sister runs away and this makes him depressed. Russia decides to visit. AU and human names !


Pain without Love

**Okay, so my friend Roxy was telling me about her Mumble adventures with a China and a Russia. She requested that I write a Russame fan-fiction for her Mumble-America. *****Sighs***** I am forever her husband…So… Even though I don't ship Russame, I shall write this shit. Motherfucking Mumble-America, you better enjoy this. You're lucky I love Roxy so much! Sorry for any OOCness~! This is an AU. You're welcome.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia! Just a crazy fan that tends to watch it every fucking day and call people potato loving bastards~! Or 'Pain' by Three Days Grace. **

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Alfred sat on the edge of his bed, a blade in his hand. Why did his parents always have to fight? Didn't they realize how sad it made him? He bites down on his lip, breaking his skin with the cool metal that had broken off of his window a month earlier. He sees the blood and smiles; he'd done it only two times. It didn't hurt that much this time. He laughed to himself, figuring it was better than crying. __

_You're sick of feeling numb  
you're not the only one  
I'll take you by the hand_

Ivan smiled as he walked down the sidewalk. He didn't care if he looked like the kid that got into alcohol too young; his vodka made him happy. But who he was on his way to visit made him even happier.

_And I'll show you a world that you can understand  
This life is filled with hurt  
When happiness doesn't work_

Alfred ignored the pain and cut again. How could he not? It was the only thing that let him know he was alive. He tried to smile, ignoring the pain and emptiness. His sister had gone missing no more than a year ago, and Alfred still couldn't bring himself to think of Emily. No blade could hurt more than the disappearance of his sister.

_Trust me and take my hand  
When the lights go out you will understand_

Ivan smiled as he passed a flower shop, maybe Alfred would like some flowers? He reached onto his pocket and searched for a few coins. Once he found the right amount of American money, he picked a red rose and a white lily. Alfred would have to deal with not having a blue flower.  
_  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

The slim American let loose bitter tears. He'd been thinking about what could've happened if he'd run away with his sister. They could have escaped together.

"Fuck!" Alfred yelled, covering his face with his hands. He was stupid enough to think she was just going to another party. He'd seen her walk out and done nothing! If only he'd known at the time…

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Ivan smelt the flowers, rethinking about not buying a blue one. Was it too late to go back? Well, Alfred wasn't really expecting him, so it didn't matter if he was 'late'. His grin widened and he turned around, swaying slightly. He was on his thirteenth flask of Vodka; maybe that's why he wasn't at all nervous.

__

Anger and agony  
Are better than misery  
Trust me I've got a plan  
When the lights go off you will understand  


Alfred cursed at himself, searching through an anatomy book All the veins looked exactly alike! It's almost as if the author had known a suicidal teen would be looking through it.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Ivan drank the last bit of vodka in his flask and smirked at the blue sunflower he found. His crush would love it. He was about to start walking again when he realized he had no idea where Freedom Avenue was.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing  
Rather feel pain_

Alfred shut the anatomy book in frustration, scowling. Yeah, the author defiantly knew there'd be a suicidal kid. He sighed and turned his laptop on. Fine, he'd go to Google. Take that, Dia! (Yush. I am the author. Deal with it.)__

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know  
That you're wounded  
You know, You know, you know, you know, you know  
That I'm here to save you

"Excuse me. Do you know where Freedom Avenue is?" A heavy (not to mention sexy) Russian accent attracted a checkout's attention.

"Uh, yeah. You go 'til Washington Street and take a left. It's right after Eagle Boulevard."

Ivan nodded and then looked around the store, finally noticing what type of store he'd entered. It was one of the stores Kiku had told Ivan about. Did his crush really like these types of places?

_You know, You know, you know, you know, you know  
I'm always here for you  
I know, I know, I know, I know,I know  
That you'll thank me later_

Alfred closed his past tabs after arguing over whether or not he should post a goodbye message. If he did that, then people could stop him. He paused for a moment before opening a new page. He knew his family wouldn't care, but would his friends? What about his crush? No. He decided they wouldn't. He was "a conceited, hamburger loving American," as he'd once heard Arthur say. After his slight procrastination, he took a sharp breath and typed: 'Where is the death vein in your wrist?' __

Pain, without love  
Pain, can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Ivan stood at Alfred's door, a rolled up Captain America poster in his right hand and three flowers in his left; red, white and blue. He smiled and knocked on the door. After a minute the door opened and Ivan saw Alfred's mother with her hands on her hips.

"Yes, Ivan?" She was obviously annoyed.

"Can I go talk to Alfred?" Ivan shifted uncomfortably and stepped in when Alfred's mother nodded. "Thanks," he said, nonchalantly, before walking up the stairs to Alfred's room._  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Alfred was trying to locate his 'death vein' in his wrist when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. His head snapped up and he looked around worriedly for his jacket. Before he could find his coat, his door opened.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain than nothing at all_

"Ivan?" Alfred momentarily forgot about his scars showing. He stood up and smiled, "Hey, dude! What are you doin' here?" It felt almost as if he wasn't acting to be happy, this time.

"Alfred..? What are those on your wrists?" Ivan set the flowers and gift on a table near the door and grabbed the American's wrist. Some of the scars seemed fresh, and that made Ivan scowl. Since when did Alfred do this to himself? He'd promised them that he was happy! Ivan mentally lectured himself, how could he have believed him?

Ivan turned to look at a blushing Alfred.

"I-I didn't… It j-j-just hurt s-s…" Alfred started sobbing, his knees buckling. "I-I just thought that nobody w-would care if I-I d-d-died…I-I… S-sorry…"

Ivan gaped. How could this stubborn American think that nobody would care if he died? Ivan's fingers outlined the American's face and lifted his chin, "Now why would you think that?" He smiled and lightly kissed Alfred's cheek. "You are not alone. I vwill always be here for you." He paused for a moment and then grinned, realizing something for the first time in his life, "I love you."

_Rather feel pain_

**You're welcome, Roxy and Mumble-America~! And for all you others comment or review or follow or smile like a moron because you loved this so much. Yeah, until next time~!**


End file.
